Jobs are like Dating – Learn some tools to increase your odds at finding a Soulmate

Oct 31, 2023

Jobs are like Dating

Jobs are like dating. Until you spend focused time and energy understanding the other side, and yourself, you’ll never get it right.

The First Date

The interview is the first date; you’re both trying to make a good first impression with rehearsed lines that you bank on success from previous trial and error. The goal is to determine if the partnership is a match…but a lot of the times, one, or both, parties, secretly think, “please like me!”

Sometimes, if we’re not experienced, we fall in love after appetizers. Blinded by the spark, we leave the date on clouds and text our best friend we just met our future wife/husband. There are times we just know we’ve aced that interview.

If we’ve worked on ourselves and know what a good match feels like, we know to ask about future goals, personal values, and other deal breakers. What makes you happy in a job? What doesn’t? How long has their longest relationship been? Why’d they leave their last long-term relationship? (Note: not short-term relationship for reasons we’re about to dive into)

Even if the date was a blast, they were attractive, and the date led to a kiss on the lips at the end of the night, if values aren’t shared, this is not a relationship to pursue. How many people have put into the kind of work to reach that level of awareness?

The Second Date and Beyond

Getting the job is dating; the more days you come to work, the more the employer-employee relationship develops.

As early as the second date, both sides begin to catch new glimpses into each other.

As the days go by, we shift into our normal roles as the facades fade away and we focus on work instead of trying to impress every day.

Just like dating, sometimes we get it wrong. A lot of times we get wrong, actually.

Why? Because relationships require time to play out.

A lot of times, people aren’t completely honest on that first date; thus, not providing the necessary information for the other side to make an informed decision. And just like a date, how much can we really learn about someone in an hour?

Relationships, of all kinds, take an insane amount of work to be healthy and secure. There will be bad days. There will be miscommunication. There will be moments of uncertainty, insecurity, and even jealousy. All of these moments need patience, perseverance, and empathy to develop the necessary trust to work through issues. It’s unreasonable to expect new people to know how the other party reacts and handles certain situations.

For some, those skills never develop, because they’ve never worked on themselves or learn about human dynamics.

Wanting Out

Just like in a relationship, an employee’s departure can happen weeks before the actual termination/resignation as it takes a while for both parties to develop the confidence and certainty to act.

In the workplace, without proper communication channels or regular one-on-ones, relationships can start festering over even simple things. Humans don’t stop being complex just because they clock in. A leader who does not study relationship dynamics is like an NFL coach throwing away half their playbook before the Super Bowl.

Outside of work, couples have counseling as an option. Friends, books, and communities for support. Within the workplace, they have no one.

It’s essential to address problems when they happen. It’s also important to have meetings with your employees to make sure they are heard. It’s the job of leadership to listen and do their best to put their employees in situations where they succeed, but this can’t be done if managers haven’t put in the work to understand human behavior.

EOS books document a structured process for these one-on-one meetings, but they’re still missing the human element. Tactics will never trump principles and putting your employees first.

It’s easy to bail when the going gets tough. There’s always 40 more resumes waiting to be read once the position opens back up, right?

Relationships grow stronger with a little adversity.

Tools to Improve the Relationship

One way to drastically improve your chances with a new hire is to have them take a DISC personality test. In addition, share your own results to them. Everyone in the team should have access to everyone else’s. Remember, relationships are about trust and being open.

A great website for this is:

Just by creating an account, you can have your personality assessment in less than 15 minutes. It will reveal your behavior, energizers, drainers, strengths, weaknesses, etc. If you are skeptical about the test, take it multiple times – the results will be the same, or very similar (assuming you are answering honestly).

The results of a DISC profile test act as a crystal-clear interpreter between the two parties.

The test gives you X-ray vision into how the other person reacts and processes information. This tool is invaluable for relationships of all kinds. It’s couples therapy without the bill.

If you’re a boss, I strongly recommend you request your team take the profile test and share the information with each other.

It’s the very essence of teamwork.